i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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