I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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