I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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