How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
