We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
