oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
