Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
