How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
