I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
