Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
