Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A+ Viking dick
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
