but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
