5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
