great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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