just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
