dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this boner is exhausting
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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