Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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