Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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