Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
