I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize