this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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