Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
