It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
