I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
