you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
