I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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