You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
