a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
