some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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