Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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