I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
