I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
