i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
