It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
