I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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