Do you still have your period?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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