no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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