i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
