I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
