i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
