I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
