I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize