we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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