You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize