and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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