Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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