census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
