How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
