Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize