I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
