Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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