Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
