I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think my fart just growled at me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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