I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
