I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
