i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
