I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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