Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
