Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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