I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
