well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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