dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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