we have pet lesbian snakes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do vagina's smell?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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