Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
