wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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