Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
